Pronouns & Name Usage

Names and pronouns are how we address one another. A person who goes by a new name or new pronouns that is telling you how you can be respectful to them. Most will be understanding if you mess-up the usage initially. But it’s important that you learn quickly because  it can be exhausting for a person to always have to correct misgendering comments.

Introduce yourself and your pronouns, even if you are cisgendered. Why? Because it makes room for others to share their pronouns. Sharing your pronouns indicates to a person that you are a safe person that is open to different expressions of gender.

If you don’t know someone’s pronouns, just ask, most lgbtqia people will appreciate that you asked. 

Use a person’s preferred name and pronouns even if they aren’t around—this will get you into the habit of referring to that person correctly. Proper usage will also indicate to others how to properly refer to this person. 

On Being Trans/Queer

If a person comes out to you, don’t assume they are out to everyone in all situations. Ask them where they are in their journey. 

Transition comes in all different forms: societal; hormonal; surgical. How much a person transitions might be related to social and economic factors. All forms of transition are valid. 

A transgender person might be uncomfortable or nervous on using a bathroom on their own, see if they need a buddy.

What not to do

Don’t assume that a transgender person can “de-transition” at will, or that their transition is fleeting or cursory.

Don’t make it the responsibility of the person to constantly remind you of their pronouns.

If you use someone’s pronouns incorrectly don’t make an excuse by saying, “oh I respect you I just don’t remember.” Misgendering someone is by definition not treating them with respect.

Use gender neutral language when speaking about people you don’t know – particularly in regards to relationships. “Spouse” or “Partner,” versus “Husband & Wife.”

So-called compliments to a transgender person, do not include comments, such as, “you look very convincing.” While a comment, like this might mean to the congratulatory that a transgender person was able to pull off a certain look— masculine/feminine— the idea that a person must “convince” others of their gender is an oppressive statement. Gender expression comes in all forms, and all forms are valid. There is no one way to look feminine, masculine, or androgynous.

Privilege

Identify your privilege. What rights or freedoms are granted to you because of the way you look, act, or dress, or in regards to your skin color or gender? 

How can you use your privilege to serve those who lack it?

Don’t rely on the LGBTQIA+ person in your life to be your walking encyclopedia. Some are very happy to discuss their personal experiences, but don’t assume they will always do so.

If you see a trans or queer person that is looking out of place in a social situation—engage with them. Even a compliment about their outfit can break any uneasiness they may be having. Trans and queer people often feel that they “don’t fit the part,” and a small compliment can help break that worry.